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Doctoring and Parenthood: A journey filled with love, growth, and challenges

27th January 2024: Parental Mental Health Day

Having children changes your life in a way like no other and is a full-time role. Their growth, development and your unique bond can be so rewarding and fulfilling, but, as all parents know, it is not always an easy job and can take its toll.

The important thing to remember is that you are human, with your own needs and flaws and the “perfect parent” does not exist. Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is not only good for you but good for your child.

Take time to find and prioritise you
In a busy life, you may find you feel defined by your many roles, Doctor, Mum/Dad, friend, family member etc. It can be easy to focus on these and run out of time or energy to focus on their core: You.

You are important and you matter; prioritising and looking after yourself is vital to maintaining your own wellbeing and enabling you to do those roles.

Consider how you can incorporate time to look after you without guilt (parent guilt is real, I know!), whether that be sleep, hydration, investing time in a hobby/sport or actually eating/drinking a warm meal or cup of tea!

Self-Compassion
It can be very easy to focus on the negatives when we are struggling, but it is important to try and celebrate the small wins by noticing your thoughts and trying to say something kind to yourself.

Finding balance
Finding what work-life balance works for you and your family can be helpful; for some that may involve reduced working hours or less than full time training. Whereas, for others it may be investing more time at work/in training. Remember, it is what works for you and that will look different for everyone, which is okay.

You are not alone
With the internalised pressure to be the “perfect parent”, seeking help can feel hard. Often it feels that everyone else has their life together and copes, so when we struggle with our mental health, it can feel like a failure or that you just need to keep going. It is important to remember that all parents have hard times and there is no shame in seeking extra support.

Once you’ve acknowledged things are not okay, try and find people you trust to listen and support you. This may be a partner/friend/colleague or sometimes it may be easier to talk to someone you don’t know like through You Okay Doc? Support lines or your GP. Remember a problem shared, is a problem halved and people can only help when they know what’s going on (even when it feels impossible to open up!).

Helping your child
If you are struggling, you may worry about how this could affect your children. Being open and honest with them can help this stress/pressure and model to them that you (and they) are not perfect and that is okay – remember, it’s okay not to be okay.

The fundamental thing is making sure they know you love them, even when life’s hectic and you’re in survival mode. A simple encouragement/hug can reassure them and help you also.

So, whether it is your kids testing your limits or balancing parenting with wider life seems challenging, I hope these tips have been helpful. You’re doing a great job so look after yourself because there is only one you.

Dr Pippa Graber-Gleed – Ambassador, GP Trainee (ST1)